


Need to Know

by AsYouCommand (OminousHummingObelisk)



Series: Kibble & Bits & Bits & Bits [7]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Gen, Nightblogging, Philosophy, Questions That Keep You Up at Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 08:17:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11642568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OminousHummingObelisk/pseuds/AsYouCommand
Summary: In which Tesarus continues to indulge in late-night curiosity, much to the detriment of his unit.





	Need to Know

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt from [lickoutyourbrains.tumblr.com](https://lickoutyourbrains.tumblr.com/post/163366563656/i-headcanon-that-tesarus-is-100-a-nightblogger):
>
>> I headcanon that Tesarus is 100% a nightblogger except it’s not blogging he’s just casually saying all this stuff out loud and the DJD go back and forth between finding it hilarious and wondering if Tesarus is okay.
> 
> I will certainly delete this piece if the original poster does not want it to exist. 
> 
> {Curly brackets} are for Primal Vernacular.

Tarn snaps awake deep in night cycle, feeling watched. He turns his head and sees that Tesarus is crouched next to his berth, having just walked in at a completely nonsense hour thanks to Tarn’s all-hours Open Door Policy.  
“Tesarus?”  
“Sorry, sir, just…something was really bothering me.”  
“What is it? What can I do?”  
“…Sir, do you think robo-pigeons have self-awareness? Do you think they lie awake at night, thinking really deep thoughts about themselves and the universe, and there’s just no way we’d ever KNOW? You know?”  
“…TESARUS, WE’VE HAD THIS DISCUSSION HOW MANY TIMES?”  
“Okay, okay, sorry, I’ll go ask Kaon –”  
“NO, YOU ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT.”

Three hours later, Vos twitches awake when his finely-honed combat senses pick up a giant recycling device creeping through his door.  
“Hey, Vos, you awake?”  
“{Do you ever stop doing this? You’ve been doing it for two million years. Is this just something I have to get used to?}”  
“Yeah, you’re right - more like early morning than late night, yeah. Say, do you think there’s any real proof that we’re NOT just disembodied minds floating in a computer simulation? Like, some people say they disproved it, but is that evidence really ENOUGH? How can we trust our own software to tell us what’s real?”  
“…”  
“And do you think that simulated life really has the same meaning and value as REAL life? I mean, what defines REAL life anyway, am I right?”  
“{[BEARS LOVE SUSHI](http://tfwiki.net/wiki/The_Dying_of_the_Light_Part_5:_Rage,_Rage#Other_trivia), FUCKSTACK. DEPART THE QUEEN’S CHAMBERS NOW OR BE GRIST IN THE MILL OF HER PLEASURES.}”  
“Yeah, really something to think about, huh? Get back to me, okay?” 

An hour later, Tesarus pings Kaon’s comms, since Kaon actually locked his door.  
“Mrrg? Something wrong?”  
“Kaon, tell me if this sounds wack. You ever get the sense that the whole reason why Orion Pax supported the early revolution was because he was too poor and busy to ever go on vacation at [Six Lasers Over Cybertron](http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Six_Lasers_Over_Cybertron#Aligned_novels), and he just really, really wanted to go?”  
“ _…Where do you get this slag??_ ”  
“No, wait, I really think I’m on to someth –”  
Kaon hangs up.  
Tesarus calls back. “Hey, is the Pet there?”  
Kaon hangs up again. 

“Look, if you’d let me –”  
“Uh-uh. Get fragged.”  
“Helex, just –”  
“Eat me. Go recharge.”  
“Spacetime’s an 11-dimensional model, right? So –”  
“Frag it. Recharging. No time.”  
“Pretty sure I figured out –”  
“RECHARGING. GO ‘WAY.”  
“But don’t you wonder OW WHY THE PILLOW DUDE I THOUGHT WE WERE COOL.”  
“GO THE FUCK TO BERTH, YOU HUGE FUCKING TOOL.”  
“Woah, Functionist slurs, huh? I see where we’re at now. I see it real good.”  
“'N lock the fraggin’ door when you leave.” 

——- 

…And during normal working hours, he’s just this dumb thug who is like, “Hey, Tarn keeps me around to break stuff and kill people. I didn’t get this job for my processor.” Maybe he’s like that because he’s just really, really tired from having his higher brain functions on turbo all night. 

Although I like imagining him as more like a giant robot [@dril](http://twitter.com/dril). “IF THE GOV’T BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE SENATORS, I WILL FACE PAX & WALK BACKWARDS INTO GARRUS-1.” (Megatron: “Hilarious! Give this mech a job!” Tarn: “My lord, are you – ?” M: “WHAT DID I SAY, TARN?” T: “TTnTT”)

**Author's Note:**

> \-- In my work, Cybertronians use both "frag" and "fuck" when swearing. The former is more mainstream and translates to a not-necessarily-erotic FUBARing of epic proportions. The latter is derived from a xenobiological specialty term for organic reproductive sex and thus implies that not only does the target copulate like a meat-alien, but that they also do it to inflict that body-horror "pregnancy" thing on other people. Despite its scientific origins, "fuck" is so solidly low-class and offensive that not even decent low-class people will use it (or might not even know it), so it's generally only heard from guttermecha who have no social standing to preserve. ...This was a long explanation for a one-off lolscribble, but since I use both terms in other things that I write, I figure that it's useful to point it out here anyway.


End file.
